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Everything guaranteed genuine &/or as described. 
If not, send it back. Lifetime return privilege on items sold as genuine that turn out to be fake.  
(That's my lifetime.  Don't ask my heirs to fix something for you 50 years from now!)

No-hassle return in reasonable time, no questions asked.
Returns deemed to be absurd due to low value or ridiculous reason
may result in termination of our business relationship without notice
If you don't know the parameters of quality, authenticity, pricing, etc. of the item you're buying
Ask me I'll be more than happy to tell you what I think and what I know
But if you don't and you assume I'm trying to cheat you somehow I'll get all huffy inside
while I'm smilingly refunding your money I'll also be crossing you off my list.

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